Wednesday, June 18, 2008

eli updates

here are a few pictures to update you on what is going on in the life of Eli... he is ALL BOY and into EVERYTHING as he crawls super fast and is pulling up on everything. it is only a matter of time before he gets the courage to let go... and everyday that courage seems to be growing, which scares mama! he has been saying mama and dada for some time, but chris said it doesnt count until he says it in relation to wanting one of us... well the other day chris came home from work and eli crawled over to him and said "hi dada" that was the highlight of christopher's day.

this one is a bit older, however, he is now climbing on the bumper so we have to drop the bed again, which will make it much harder for me to put him down at night since i cant reach... i guess ill have to get a step stool :)

here eli and chris were playing in the pool after a long day of doing yard work (well eli and i just watch daddy do all the work, but we got hot nonetheless)

eli is such a happy miracle baby and i am so thankful to be able to hang out with my bundle of joy everyday!

he still does not like baby food very much as you will see more is on his face than in his mouth.

playing on daddy's guitar is one of his favorite things to do, because it makes a cool drum sound and has lots of crazy stickers on it to catch his attention!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

the pieces of my life

as i was reading a friend named angie's blog (mind you we have never met, but she has quickly become a mentor, best friend, and someone who draws me closer to Jesus) and she talked about taking a clay pitcher and shattering it at her feet only to hot glue-gunned it back together as she talked to Jesus. at first i too thought the idea was sort of crazy and a bit of a waste of time, however, i could not get this analogy out of my head so while at walmart last week i found a beautiful clay vase, yet it sat on my counter where i had placed it upon getting home. i saw it everyday but i still thought the idea was crazy. i wrote her about it and she encouraged me to face my fears, past, and pain and allow God to be the Healer. yesterday i shattered my vase, it was like me, hard-headed, as it took me throwing it on the ground 5 times to finally break into pieces. so as eli slept i pulled out my Bible and read all of the passages about brokenness and clay pots. i am a very visual person so i wrote with a permanent marker all of the past relationships, hurts, regrets, things that caused me anger which grew to resentment and honestly bitterness. i wrote the things i do not like about myself. i surrendered my dream of living in africa, and let me tell you that was by far the hardest aspect. i dealt with the pain of having three miscarriages. i was finally honest with myself over things i had "justified" in the past and called it like God sees it. i wrote out Bible verses that the Lord used to bring forgiveness, healing and understanding. so then today i had the wonderful task of putting my pieces back together. God really used this time to speak to my heart. i am a perfectionist and i did not like the mess that i was making with the glue, so i washed off a few pieces, and ironically the permanent marker washed away too with just water. you know what was more ironic, every piece that i picked up to wash were all the really hard stuff to deal with, the bad relationships, big mistakes, bitterness and resentment. God showed me that as i washed off the mess of trying to be in control of my life and live it on my own, that is the very place that He wants to bring healing and the difficult pasts were washed away. my fingers were cut and stinging and messy with the excess glue, but it too was a reminder that my life was messy and that Jesus endured pain to forgive me. for the first time i honestly feel like i have a clean slate. my vase is not yet completed, but i have truly come to the realization that everything, even the yucky stuff in my life has shaped me to be the person i am today. sure we would all change things in our life if we could, yet we cant, so i can be satisfied with who God has shaped and molded me. i suggest this exercise for any believer... God really used it in my life.

Monday, June 09, 2008


pastor don just began a new series on the parables. you know out of the many sermons i have heard over the course of the last 20 years i honestly do not remember ever going through the parables, so i am very excited. it has been a huge blessing to be involved in a church that has consistantly solid teaching and heart-felt worship. the challenge from yesterday keeps being repeated in my head so i wanted to share it with you. "is your life worth it to God for Him to keep me alive?" basically am i just another body on this earth or am i serving the Father and making an eternal difference? so this challenge put me in my place because i have been caught up in my constant horrible circumstances that i have become very complacent and stagnant. this is exactly what i needed to hear...


about a week ago i was reading through a post on a mommy forum about adoption blogs as i am more convinced by the day that i want to pursue adopting some of our children from a third world country. the deal is i can have my african baby if chris can have his hispanic daughter... we will see where this goes and which countries we are led to pursue. as for now we are still praying and paying off debt so that it is even possible. after having a difficult pregnancy and delivery and three miscarriages i believe that the Lord has given me even more of a reason to follow the adoption route that He gave me a passion for long ago. i know that if this is from Him that He will make a way! so as i was reading through a random blog i found a post to pray for angie and her family and was encouraged to read her blog for more information on the loss of her child. so i clicked... and after spending over an hour and crying my little heart out i knew exactly why i was just randomly searching for adoption stories... God had purposed me to read about baby Audrey and to be challenged and encouraged to deal with the hurt and pain in my life so that my heart can begin to heal which is a step in the right direction. i never forward anything or refer to other blogs but this is well worth everyone to read. please take the time to be with Jesus, because He is speaking through Angie in the most real and raw ways!