waterworks

tears flow freely tonight...

after spending the day going through old family boxes, crossing paths with memories, going through stuff from all the different cultural expriences i was priveledged to have journeyed have flooded my heart.

i MISS my older brother, Solomon! he is from Kenya, but was one of my parent's students when we lived in South Africa. i wish we did not live worlds apart. i wish plane tickets were not so expenisive. i wish our boys could be best of cousins! i, myself, have only met his oldest, Gideon. oh what a precious little boy he was, lets see he should be about 9 1/2 (he was about 18 months when i last saw him).

maybe i read too many blogs about africa. but that really doesnt change the way i think or feel. something related to my heartbeat for africa is tugged on many times a day.

while looking through different artifacts, wooden shoes, wooden pillows, bow and arrows, beaded jewlery, pictures, my heart ached.

here is a little conversation from today:
i sighed and eli asked what is wrong mommy?
i told him i missed africa, to which he sighed too, and said i miss africa so bad! hey mommy, look at that plane, is it going to africa? can we go to africa?

if nothing else, in theory, my kids LOVE Africa.

this week we have grown to love the local public library, to which i let them pick out a few construction or animal books, but then i get books about other cultures so they grow up with a multi-cultural worldview verses the selfcentered american bubble culture.

Levi's Jelly Beans

so i started to panic a little... Levi was not potty trained nor did he have much interest. the interest grew to wanting to wear underwear, but many accidents. so i brought the bribing on strong along with verbal compliments. my mom bought him a HUGE jar of jelly beans which are far better than m&m's cause they dont melt so i can even take them in my purse. i even made the comment to my friend Merrie Jo that it was going to be much harder with him than it was with Eli. then the next day it snapped... and he got it! this week we have had no accidents, even while running errands, and during naps :-) the other day i forgot i laid him down without a diaper on and very much unlike him he slept over 3 hours... DRY! he has a bout a 25% chance of being dry all night too! i am so proud of my little guy who is growing up all too fast!!! he makes the cutest face after he goes to the bathroom, which 9 times out of 10 he tells me he has to go, TREAT mama? and then kisses me as if thats supposed to help him get a treat! MELT.MY.HEART.

too much

so i have too much to say, but due to the audience of some of my readers, my writings remain silent... but ill leave you with some pictures

Fear...

You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder

What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there?
Will you hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too

Verse 2:
So get out
And let
Your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away

If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go


Even when a storm hits

Even when you're broken

Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up

When your hope is stolen

You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid

So what are you waiting,
What are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water...
Walk on the water too