so last night at work (for those of you who may not know... i work at the hospital from 9pm-6am) i had way too much time to think and thats not a good thing.
the emotions are bombarding me, but i will try my best to convey my thoughts in words without rambling too much.
i am such a "WHY" person... always have been... and sorry chris i probably always will be. im sure i drove my parents crazy with all of my "but why mommy". i guess that character trait has followed me in my walk with the Lord... not that i necessarily question His character, judgement, or grace... but sometimes i just want to know the reason behind the situation... and last night was one of those times.
a girl delivered at 19 weeks... too early for modern technology to be able to save the sweet baby boy's life. he came out kicking and even had a heartbeat for a few minutes, but just as fast as he came into this world, he was gone again.
throughout the night there was a HUGE lump in my throat and i had to push back the tears more times than i could count. after she delivered they placed the baby in a basket in the room in which i delivered eli, room 407, until the mom was ready to see her sweet son.
my heart ached for this sweet mama... i wanted to go sit next to her and hold her hand and just cry and utter a prayer to God on her behalf... but im not sure the rules and i personally just couldnt find it in me to knock on her door. maybe the fact that i do have a sweet son who took his first breath in the vary room her son was lying peacefully with Jesus. then on the flip side it made me miss the babies i never got to meet.
so here are some of my questions... i know they do not have a concrete answer...
GOD WHY...
...are 50% of the pregnant girls we see under 20, and act like their baby is an inconvenience for them, while so many other women desire so deeply to become a mother, yet cant get or stay pregnant
...can drug babies go home with their drug addicted mothers
...why do so many pregnancies end in tragedy
WHY GOD???
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
too much time to think
Posted by missing africa at 12:37 PM
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1 comments:
been there, felt that, many times, dear.
imagine at LMC...it was horrible, 15 yr old girls, already with 3 kids.
a baby with 'cruddy' lung sounds, thanks to her mother who smoked all throughout the pregnancy.
a baby that tested + for every horrible drug under the sun.
so, yes, dear, I know, I asked God the same questions week to week.
many hugs.
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