eating a teething cookie

so i take after my uncle bill... yes meme i went straight to the bath after these pictures and the high chair cover had to be washed~ for these reasons mama does not give me these cookies very often!




so im a little smartie pants... i pulled the nipple out of the bottle of water mama gave me... so not only did i have cookie all over me and the high chair i thought it would be fun to splash around in all the water and make a bigger mess!

having fun & getting big

my dada is teaching me how to play the guitar since i love music so much


i know i am NOT supposed to play back here, but its sooo much fun!


eli was desperately trying to put his outfit back on, ALL BY HIMSELF! mr independent

he was yelling for his dada to come home, seriously


still waiting, despite that its only 1pm and he has a few more hours til dada is home

too much time to think

so last night at work (for those of you who may not know... i work at the hospital from 9pm-6am) i had way too much time to think and thats not a good thing.

the emotions are bombarding me, but i will try my best to convey my thoughts in words without rambling too much.

i am such a "WHY" person... always have been... and sorry chris i probably always will be. im sure i drove my parents crazy with all of my "but why mommy". i guess that character trait has followed me in my walk with the Lord... not that i necessarily question His character, judgement, or grace... but sometimes i just want to know the reason behind the situation... and last night was one of those times.

a girl delivered at 19 weeks... too early for modern technology to be able to save the sweet baby boy's life. he came out kicking and even had a heartbeat for a few minutes, but just as fast as he came into this world, he was gone again.

throughout the night there was a HUGE lump in my throat and i had to push back the tears more times than i could count. after she delivered they placed the baby in a basket in the room in which i delivered eli, room 407, until the mom was ready to see her sweet son.

my heart ached for this sweet mama... i wanted to go sit next to her and hold her hand and just cry and utter a prayer to God on her behalf... but im not sure the rules and i personally just couldnt find it in me to knock on her door. maybe the fact that i do have a sweet son who took his first breath in the vary room her son was lying peacefully with Jesus. then on the flip side it made me miss the babies i never got to meet.

so here are some of my questions... i know they do not have a concrete answer...

GOD WHY...
...are 50% of the pregnant girls we see under 20, and act like their baby is an inconvenience for them, while so many other women desire so deeply to become a mother, yet cant get or stay pregnant
...can drug babies go home with their drug addicted mothers
...why do so many pregnancies end in tragedy
WHY GOD???