unexplainable

i am so distracted these days...

so distracted by a concept to most

but its not concept to me... its reality

majority wont understand and that doesnt sit well with me

but my reality is my reality

my feelings are my feelings

and i dont really care what you say or dont say

im not trying to impress you, win your favor, or even be your friend

i am following my heartstrings and loud speaker callings

i know without a shadow of doubt that the Lord has broken my heart for His purpose

i know that He has broken my heart and calls me to pray in the middle of the night every night as of the last couple of months

i know that He has a plan, even when it is not my plan

its hard... oh so hard... some days down right impossible

im so tired of saying goodbye... baby after baby after baby (beginning long ago)

i cant even count how many i have had to release...orphans to death, an orphanage, or someone else adopting them, and physically by miscarriages...

my heart yearns, aches, breaks for the babies/children of ours that the Lord has
called us to welcome into our home... but how, when, and where are still questions in the air... clarity, wisdom, discernment, direction oh my Lord